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Teacher asks boy questions to see if he can skip grades. Answers are too much for principal

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Young children are fun to be around because they always speak their mind, and they often have a lot to say. Certain kids are smarter for their age and end up leaving us speechless. Take little Jimmy for example. His answers are worth skipping a few grades, that’s not really the case with the school’s principal. This conversation is hilarious 

A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of his students. One day, he asked Jimmy what his problem was. He replied,

“I’m too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I’m smarter than her too.”

The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her that he would give Jimmy a test. If he failed to answer one question, then he would have to go back to the second grade and be quiet. The teacher and Jimmy both agreed.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Jimmy: “9.”

Principal: “6 x 6?”

Jimmy: “36.”

And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a fourth grader should know. Finally, after about an hour, he told the teacher

“I see no reason why Jimmy can’t go to the fourth grade, he answered all of my questions right.”

The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Jimmy agree.

Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”

Jimmy: “Legs”

Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”

The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Jimmy says, “Pockets.”

Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Jimmy: “Pants.”

Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”

Jimmy: “Firetruck.”

The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says

“Put Jimmy in the fourth grade. I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”

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Son asks dad about a big pack of condoms – dad’s reply makes me double over laughing

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Most parents have to face the tricky situation of having the “birds and the bees” chat with their kids. With many finding it a bit uncomfortable and slightly awkward.

I just couldn’t stop laughing at the dad in this story who took it all in his stride – with a hilarious twist at the end!

One day, a father walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy gets curious about the strange items on the shelves. The boy asks, “What are these, dad?”

The father replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”

Oh, I see,” replies the boy. “I’ve heard of those in health class at school. So that’s what they look like!”

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, “But why are there 3 in this package?”D

The father replies, “Those are for high school boys; one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”

The boy nods with a contemplative expression. He then notices a 6-pack and asks, “Then who are these for?”

Those are for college men,” the father answers. “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”

Wow!” the boy exclaims.

Then who uses THESE?” the boy asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replies, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”

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The bank let her check bounce, so the grandma wrote this letter. Her answer is brilliant!

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Anyone, who has ever been annoyed with a bank, will understand this 86-year-old. What she wrote in the letter, addressed to the CEO, is absolutely brilliant:

This is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86-year-old woman. It was so amusing that the bank’s manager decided to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, 3 nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only 8 years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client And remember: Do not make old people mad. We do not like being old in the first place, so it does not take much to  us off.”

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Cops Ask Old Lady Why She Has a Bag Full of Cash. Her Response Was Priceless

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There are many times in life when we might see something that we would consider to be unusual. Sometimes, we just take note and go about our day but at other times, it might be so strange it stops us in our tracks.

When you are a police officer, any unusual sights are not only going to get your attention, they are going to make you want an explanation. Sometimes the explanation is ordinary but at other times, it is the strangest thing you’ve ever heard. That is the case with this story:

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.

A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’ “Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?” “Not everybody pays.”

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This Old Man Had The Best Response After Being Approached By A Girl At The Bar

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A 71-year-old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar. Suddenly a gorgeous 19-year-old girl enters and sits down a few seats away.

The girl is so attractive that he just can’t take his eyes off her.

After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone:

I’ll do anything you’d like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn’t matter how extreme or unusual it is, I’m game. I want 100 dollars, and there’s another condition.”

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.

You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts 10 ten-dollar bills in her outstretched hand.

He then looks her square in the eye, and says slowly and clearly:

Paint my house.

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The best explanation of a politician I’ve ever heard.

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“He knows nothing and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career” are wise words of George Bernard Shaw.

I’m sure you agree politicians are such people.

However, this old man has the best definition of what a person involved in politics really is.

Have a read of the conversation below it’s absolutely hilarious. 

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75-year-old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Turtles’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.

The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.

You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of fool put him up there to begin with.”

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Science confirms: Men with beer bellies attract more beautiful women and live longer

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Throughout history the image of the ideal man has changed, during the Middle Ages, it was a sign of wealth, if you were “heavy”. In present times the ideal man looks more like a sculpture. But is that really what women desire?

This is where evidence of the amount of beer consumed during the winter months is visible. Not to worry,  research now shows that your beer belly is something you should, in fact, be proud to show off.

It seems women actually prefer men with more stomach as opposed to those that have a sculptured belly.

As ridiculous as it sounds this study has been proven by researchers at Yale University. According to the very same study, a man’s attractiveness is also enhanced if he is slightly older and has kids.

Researchers claim this is more to do with evolution. Men’s natural appeal increases when they have offspring as this indicates their fertility to women,  according to the findings of the study.

According to Richard Bribiescas, a professor at Yale, there is a biological explanation for why women are more attracted to men who prefer to stay at home on the couch rather than going to the gym.

Men with more body fat have more focus on their family,  according to the very same study. “This change in body composition not only causes men to shop for more comfortable trousers but also facilitates increased survivorship and, hypothetically, a hormonal milieu that would more effectively promote and support paternal investment,” says Richard Bribiescas

Additional studies also prove that men with an increased fat mass around their stomach,  are less likely to suffer health conditions such as heart attacks and prostate cancer with their decreasing testosterone levels.

As a direct result of this combination the chances of him finding another woman are reduced.

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A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes Benz to 100 mph. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sees a cop behind him..

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A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes Benz to 100 mph. Looking in his rear view mirror, he sees a cop behind him, signaling to pull over. He floored it to 140 , then 150, then 155, and 160…Suddenly he thought, “Shit man, I’m too old for this nonsense!”

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the cop to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. And guess what, today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family to the beach.

If you can give me a good, solid reason for your insane speeding that I’ve never heard before, I promise you that I will let you go.” The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied, “Officer, few years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman and I thought you were bringing her back.” The cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir “

Studies confirm: People born in January are most likely to become rich and famous

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Research has found that having your birthday in January has in fact some unique and lucky qualities which may possibly lead to a prosperous life!

First and foremost, people are often broke from Christmas so rounding up a crew for your birthday party can often be a struggle come January.

Then there’s the weather. Unless you’re fortunate enough to live in a part of the world where the sun shines more often than it doesn’t, it’s likely January won’t afford you the conditions for a party where guests can gather outside.

That said, there are plenty of benefits to being born in the first month of the year. Big ones, if researchers are to be believed …

If you were born in January, you have almost 12 months’ growth ahead of your classmates born late in the year,’ says Adrian Barnett from Queensland University to Science Daily. 

Ok so we agree your birthday in January or February isn’t always the ideal time when it comes to weather as it tends to be a bit cold and miserable.

Statistics show that January babies are real go-getters when it comes to their careers out of the spotlight too.

The study in particular looked at 100 celebrities with “different lifestyles”. Included in this were politicians, entrepreneurs, singers, actors, athletes, researchers and writers.

The results showed that a huge number of rich, successful and famous individuals celebrate their birthdays in the months of January and February.

Over-presented in professions

Supposedly the difference in primary school subjects are related to career choices- for example, January babies, over-represented when it comes to high-status professions.

Researchers also discovered those born between January 20 and February 18 had increased chances of becoming famous. From 1992 to 2009, studies of 500 companies found that children in January are more inclined to become a CEO.

Many of the world’s most famous individuals are born under the Aquarius star sign. These include Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Cristiano Ronaldo, Jennifer Aniston, Bob Marley, Michael Jordan, Abraham Lincoln, Ashton Kutcher along with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

So, if you are feeling blue about celebrating your birthday in January? Fear not as, you’ve got plenty to smile about!

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Student has best response when teacher questions her drawing

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Kids are hilarious at times and I love the fact that they are totally in their opinion. It seems they can also be equally wise.

Here are some of the best responses from kids that will put a smile on your face.

1.

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing a picture of God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

2.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.’

The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’

The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him.’

3.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds.
After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

4.

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

5.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face.”

Yes, sir,” the class said.

Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

Bobby shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

6.

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. Someone had written a note and placed it next to the apples. It read, “Take only one, God is watching.”
Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

One little boy wrote his own note and snuck it next to the cookies, “Take all you want, God is watching the apples.”

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